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Today’s rant comes from the drivers seat of my car during my hour long commute home this evening. To be specific, 1 AM Pacific Standard, but who’s counting. And yea, I know it’s eco irresponsible of me to drive 90 miles a day through a mountain pass to go to work 80 hours a paycheck. Nobody’s perfect.

I can feel good about myself because I don’t drive a *Hummer, I drive a Kia. This isn’t because I’m a tree hugger, it’s because I don’t have $68,000.  I also don’t have that troublesome $950.00 down, plus tax, license, dealer and destination fees. I’d like to say that extra $50.00 in the down is the deal breaker. Yea, right.

Me; “I simply won’t pay $1000.00 down and $68,000 sticker. Why that down payment is highway robbery! I won’t do it and that’s that! It’s $950 bucks and not a penny more!”

Salesman; “certainly sir. Would you care for a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon while you consider our wide selection of well appointed, reduced price clearance models available for well qualified buyers? You can feel assured that your purchase is a responsible investment in supporting our environment. 18% of the steel in this fine vehicle’s design and construction is made from reclaimed shipyard hulls.”

I envision myself driving 3.19 tons of 324 cubic inch V8 310 horsepower monster testosterone machine. I feel no guilt at my vision of fourteen miles to the gallon, or the 100 octane racing fuel I intend to use. As I’m dreaming about a second mortgage, I notice women walking past the dealership. Without fail, they look into the sparkling windexed showroom glass with dissaproving shakes of their heads. I lose all hope of getting into that clearance priced, pre owned hummer.

All kidding aside, there is an important transition to be made at this point. After having given it quite a bit of thought, it seems to me that a shift in attitudes in our society has been occurring for some time now. I think it has a lot to do with the current political climate and our history as a society, but it’s disconcerting just the same. Men are being discouraged from acting like men, and enjoying manly kinds of things. Driving that Hummer, for instance. Did you know that according to the L.A. Times, every year the average dairy cow produces 19.3 pounds of organic gases that interact with other pollutants to produce more smog annually than cars, trucks, or pesticides? In spite of this fact, men are made to feel guilty for driving a truck instead of a Hybrid.

So back to men and crying. How come men don’t cry? Well, truth be told, we do. In private. This is what the girls don’t get. We guys have feelings, we just don’t parade them in public.

Ladies, have you ever wondered why your man won’t cry in front of you, or in public with you? Guys, have you given any thought to why you don’t?

That’s easy. Because it’s what she wants you to do.

I know; shocking, repulsive. How can I say such a thing in the presence of ladies ? Hey girls, lighten up - he loves you, ok?  But here’s the thing - we are going to act manly regardless of whether or not it’s socially and politically correct. We’re not going to go all feminine just because it seems to others that we’re just a little to much on the macho side for the comfort of others.

Testosterone, football, poker and Doritos strongly influence the way men see - and react - to the world around them and/or the two of you. Just because you don’t see him react the way you do to a tear-jerker isn’t cause for alarm and dosen’t mean he’s “out of touch with his feelings”. Don’t encourage him to cry more. It won’t make him a “more sensitive” guy. It just cheeses him off because it’s like you want him to be a girly man. If you keep pushing it, he’s unlikely to cry about anything, ever again.

So don’t try to make him express himself the same way you do. Remember; for guys, tears are optional equipment. You’re the one with the Estrogen. Vive la différence!

The more comfortable men can be in their masculinity, the more comfortable women can be with their femininity. A brief scent, a classy dress, shiny hair, a graceful step to your walk. Like a fine meal, presentation outshines the food. You know, it really is our differences that make us two half’s of a wonderful whole.

I don’t watch, “Lifetime”, “Oxy”, “We” or any of the, “I am woman, watch me be victimized”, channels. That’s because women are strong and shouldn’t ever be characterized any other way, even if it is “based-on-a-true-story”. The other side of that coin; Men have strong emotions and even cry during “Steel Magnolia’s”.

Your man just didn’t let you see the tears. That would be embarrassing.

By the way, chances are he actually liked that movie but would rather have his legs waxed than admit it.

So to sum it all up; guys that cry in front of other people on a regular basis might just represent the exception not the rule. I’d say that for these men, the chances of ending up on a therapist’s couch, or an episode of Oprah might be just a bit higher. Ladies, lets leave it at that.

Denigris

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* Hummer®  is a product of General Motors Corporation. Prices, and statistics vary by vehicle, seller, and terms. Some literary license is assumed.